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Big Ten Football: 5 incredibly early bold predictions for the 2023 season

2023-05-13 06:16
Big Ten football fans only have a few months left before another splendid season is under way.While the Midwest is finally enjoying some good weather, Big Ten football will be back before you even know it.Despite having not won a College Football Playoff since 2014, the league is quickly sep...
Big Ten Football: 5 incredibly early bold predictions for the 2023 season

Big Ten football fans only have a few months left before another splendid season is under way.

While the Midwest is finally enjoying some good weather, Big Ten football will be back before you even know it.

Despite having not won a College Football Playoff since 2014, the league is quickly separating from the three other Power Five conferences, along with the SEC, of course.

The Big Ten is dripping with one talented head coach after another. Although it doesn't have the players top to bottom like the SEC does, you can usually count on Big Ten teams to play well and entertain you.

So with that in mind, I have been to the future, came back, and have some bold predictions for you.

Way-too-early bold predictions for the Big Ten in 2023

5. Matt Rhule does the unthinkable and has Nebraska going bowling in Year 1

It usually takes a year or two to rebuild a program, but Matt Rhule has a boulder-sized chip on his shoulder.

His NFL tenure with the Carolina Panthers was a disaster. Although it could have done more damage to his reputation, Rhule had been rock solid in the collegiate ranks. He was able to turn around the Baylor Bears and the Temple Owls before that, so how hard could the Nebraska Cornhuskers be?

Fueled by Runza and Omaha food court Cinnabons, Rhule will be the best thing to happen to Nebraska football since Cory Schlesinger, or at least Ndamukong Suh. Either way, Big Red is going bowling, y'all! Penny is going to drag Leonard to that bowl game, wherever it is. The reason this is such a huge deal is because Rhule usually does not get his program turned around until Year 2.

The Scott Frost erasure will be extraordinary. I mean, he is going to be seen as Nebraska's version of Mike Shula. While I don't anticipate the Huskers getting to Indianapolis, they will hold bowl game practices for the first time since I was a FanSided employee. These practices are about getting better faster and reinvesting your dividends to help you grow that pie and dominate, bro!

If you thought Kansas getting to 6-6 was life-changing, just keep an eye on Nebraska this season.

4. There will be a 30 for 30 based on how badly it ends for The Ferentzes in Iowa

What if I told you Brian wasn't doing a great job, Sweetie, and that you cannot Kinnick Wave yourself out of an absolutely offensive tire fire? I don't know when this ends, but I do know that is doesn't end well. It will smell like burnt popcorn alright, as the Iowa Hawkeyes drag us through one more year of hellish offensive ineptitude. Cade McNamara be damned, this will not work out.

Whatever goals Brian Ferentz needed to achieve on his gold sticker flow chart, he won't get there, just like the Hawkeyes won't get to Indianapolis. The only thing that will rival the utter dysfunction in Iowa City across major college football will be the snake oil-infused grease fire raging down in College Station. Misery loves company, am I right? Regardless, there is only one man to save them.

With John Calipari doing his best sales job to date, Mark Stoops will decide he has had enough of the bluegrass nonsense. Like LeBron James did that one time, he's coming home. No, he will not be a Youngstown State Penguin, but with the power of the ghost of Hayden Fry, Stoops will bring a level of SEC toughness to an Iowa program that constantly underachieves and then lies about it.

Not saying he will need to grow a Fry-inspired mustache, but Stoops will look utterly magnificent.

3. Big Ten gets two teams into College Football Playoff, but neither is winning it

For the second year in a row, the Big Ten is most definitely getting two teams into the College Football Playoff. Going forward, this is going to be the new normal, but in a four-team field, it remains quite the accomplishment. Whether it be Michigan, Ohio State and/or Penn State, two out of three ain't bad. However, the Wolverines, Buckeyes or Nittany Lions are not winning it all, man.

I would venture to guess the winner of The Game gets in again, per usual. If their one loss on the year is to Penn State, and the Nittany Lions either go undefeated or only drop one, preferably not to the loser of The Game, that'll be your two. Regardless, the Big Ten energy will be off the chain come playoff time. FOX will be so absolutely livid that they won't be calling those playoff games.

Unfortunately, the Big Ten will have to wait until at least 2024 to see one of its teams be crowned a national champion. I am probably leaning towards my alma mater of Georgia three-peating, but maybe Texas is back? Maybe the winner of Clemson vs. Florida State has that secret sauce? As far as the Pac-12 is concerned, I think Oregon and Washington have a better shot over Utah or USC.

While two teams from the Big Ten make the four-team field, they are only getting maybe one win.

2. Dan Gilbert, Mat Ishbia, Sparty boosters can't buy out Mel Tucker fast enough

Whether it is Dan Gilbert, Mat Ishbia or whoever, the Michigan State Spartans boosters are going to be in a frenzy when it comes to how much they are paying Mel Tucker to not win football games. Personally, I would love nothing more than for Tucker to come back to Athens as a glorified defensive analyst to eventually replace Glenn Schumann, but I also want him to succeed at Sparty.

Unfortunately, Michigan State plays in the same geographical footprint as Michigan, Ohio State and Penn State. Although Indiana and Rutgers do nothing for me, keep in mind Maryland head coach Mike Locksley has been hashtag blessed with an Old Bay-infused Mayo bowl bath. It did wonders for Shane Beamer's feisty Gamecocks. You don't beat Clemson and Tennessee otherwise.

Will Michigan State achieve bowl eligibility? I mean, I hope so, but that's not really the point here. Tucker won a New Year's Six bowl two years ago. Michigan State wants to be on the shortlist of teams who can contend for titles year in and year out. For us to potentially have doubts about Sparty achieving bowl eligibility after a down season for their standard certainly speaks volumes.

We are probably getting another year beyond 2023 for Tucker if it goes bad, but buyouts beware!

1. Ryan Walters emerges as the Big Ten's new coaching rockstar over at Purdue

This may have more to do with the incredible program he is inheriting from Jeff Brohm, but don't sleep on Ryan Walters at Purdue. He was a huge reason why Illinois had such a great season under Bret Bielema. Despite being a Colorado alum, Walters picked a fantastic spot to be a first-time head coach. Purdue isn't going 10-2, but Walters could go 8-4 in his first season at the helm.

This is much, much bigger than the Boilermakers' 2023 regular-season record. It is all about presence. We are always looking for the next up-and-coming head-coaching rockstar, and I putting all of my cheese curds into the middle of the table for that guy to be Walters in the Big Ten. I felt this way when James Franklin took over Vanderbilt, as I did with Shane Beamer at Sakerlina.

While much of the coaching attention will be on what Luke Fickell does at Wisconsin, the Badgers aren't going to be that easy of a fix. For as good as Fickell is as a head coach, it will take two years for Wisconsin to pop under his guidance. Even if Walters does not achieve what Brohm did in West Lafayette, he will be a strong college football head coach we will talk about for well over a decade.

There is a chance the Walters hire could be as good as Sonny Dykes at TCU or Brian Kelly at LSU.